And So The Countdown Beginss..

Kylie's first birthday is just a few days away and all I feel is nervousness. I don't know why I'm so nervous, but when I think about that day finally being her, that's' all I can feel. I had a couple friends over and Kylie's birthday was brought up and I got asked, "have you ever had a dream about Kylie?" I've been thinking about this question a lot lately. The only dream I've had about her is the one I've talked about before where I went around holding her heart--yes, her actual heart-- in my hands and asking people to help me help her. But this is the only time I can remember dreaming about her. One of my friends said maybe it was Gods way of protecting me, but what if I want to see her again. I've heard lots of parents say after their child's death seeing them again in a dream put them a little more at ease. I think I'm waiting on that since of ease to relax me. We have lots of things planned for Kylie's birthday but It's just not going to be the same without her here to celebrate with us. I wish I could just borrow her from God for the day. I wish it were possible. This week is going to be one of the hardest I've had in a long time. I know that I'll get through it just like we've got through this whole year.. I just wish it were different..


I'd hold you every second..Say a million I love you's..That's what I'd do with one more day with you..I love you sweet girl..I miss you more everyday..I wish you were here, but I promise I'll see you again..You're still my whole world and will always be..4 More days Kylie bug...

One more day.. One more time..One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied..But then again.. I know what it would do.. Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you<3