Memories.

Today hasn't been an easy day for me..I got a little teary eyed driving to Sonic.. To get to Sonic, I have to drive by the Cemetery.. and Today there were two men guarding a casket until the family made their way over.. I couldn't help but remember my brothers, Nicks Uncle, and Grandpa lifting Kylie's tiny casket out of the car. I remember sitting in the itching green chair staring at the tiny white casket.. trying to remember every detail about.. the pink shades hidden into the white.. the flowers carved into the handles.. Everything that was inside with her.. A note my sister wrote her.. having no idea the secrets being shared between the two.. Spotty.. her first doggy.. he was pink with white spots... Grandma, Aunt Em and Bridget bought it for her the second day at the hospital.. I can't tell you how many times we told Spotty he better watch over her and keep her safe.. or we'd come find him.. and the secret daddy left her :)to make sure nothing happened to her.. and most important.. My Valentines present from Daddy and Kylie.. It was a necklace that said "A mother's love has no end.." it looked beautiful on her.. I remember kissing it at least a thousand times.. so she would always have my kisses with her.. and her"chirp chirp" pink and brown blanket.. she never got to use that blanket.. It was also a gift from her Grandma and Aunts.. At random times during the day.. I hear Nick's mom saying " This isn't the way I wanted you to meet her".. She said it everytime a family member came in to see Kylie.. I don't really know why it sticks out so much in my mind.. Because honestly .. I don't think I could tell you anything else anyone said.. But it always replays in my head.. a few times a day..everyday.. At the funeral, I don't remember anything that was said to me... Everytime someone talked.. I just was thinking in my mind "whatever you say isn't bringing my baby back.. So please just stop" and I know that everyone just wanted to help.. and let me know that they were there whenever I needed.. But at the time.. I didn't care.. But if you were in my shoes.. I can guarantee you wouldn't have cared either.. I think that in a way.. a SMALL. way.. I am coming to terms with the fact that Kylie's not coming back to me.. I'm coming home to her.. I don't know when.. but I know I'm ready whenever that day comes..