Bad News..

I got some bad news today. One of my best friends overdosed on hydrocodone. We don't know how she's doing because they're still trying to pump all the alcohol out of her system.. It wasn't done on purpose, as far as I know, from what we understand just extreme partying. I feel somewhat at fault. Actually, at fault is the wrong word. She called me last night and I didn't answer because I was desperately trying to fall asleep. I had to be up at 4 30 and it was already 12 am, so I just glanced at it and continued my attempt at sleep. If I had answered the phone and she had told me what she was doing I would have tried to get her to just go home. Maybe she called me knowing that I would be the one to say, "yes you've had way too much, just go home and sleep it off." I'm just praying that I get the chance to find out why she called. The situation once again reminds me of Kylie. I remember so frequently thinking, "Why did I have to sleep when Nick had JUST got home and we hadn't seen him all day," "Did I tell her that I loved her that day," "Did I give her enough kisses and hugs," Does she know how much I miss her,'' "Does she know what a proud momma she made/makes me," "Does God know that I would gladly take her place?" I remember standing in front of Kylie's casket before her funeral, Nick and I went an hour early so we could spend sometime with her alone. I remember tearing up and saying, "Babe, Why could God not have taken me instead I would do ANYTHING to trade places with Kye." I guess it's just going to be one of those days.