Lily's 9th Birthday Celebration!
7 years ago
Monday, July 12, 2010
When I'm Gone.
Last night, I could not sleep. At all. It was the worst night I've had since first losing Kylie. The weird thing was why I couldn't sleep. There was another death in my town, a completely unexpected death. A lady I've known most of my life because she was the mother of a girl I went to school with. The woman, Christie, was asleep beside her husband when he awoke to her making "moaning" sounds. He tried to wake her up because he thought it was a bad dream, and in reality it was. She was only 49 years old. He rushed her to the emergency room, which is about 15 miles from town. However, he was too late. I haven't heard the final cause yet. But it was determined that there were only two reasons for this she either had a heart attack or an aneurysm. That's three unexpected deaths that have affected my small little town, counting Kylie, in such a short period of time. I'm blaming my insomnia to this because last night ALL I could think about was that I wanted to get up and write Nick a note in case he one day woke up to find out that I had gone to be with Kylie and our Lord. I thought about all the things I wanted him to know. How I wanted him to tell everyone not to cry or be sad, because I would be PERFECTLY happy with Kylie and God. I want him to know that I've been ready to go Home since the day Kylie left us. Also, I want him to know that we will be waiting for him, and that I want him to enjoy his life and move forward. I don't want him to forget me, Which I know he wouldn't, but I just want him to continue his life. I would like him to know how much I love him. I want him to know that I could still feel those sparks everytime we kissed, just like the first time we kissed. I'd also like him to know how much we appreciate how hard he works for us. He gives me a life that is so easy, and he ask for so little. We have such an amazing relationship, I feel like he IS my soulmate. I feel so lucky to have found him so early on in life. I don't know why these things were on my mind all night last night.But I needed to get them out. I hope to talk to Nick about it later.. I hope that will ease my mind.
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I have also thought about writing letters and putting them away..just in case. Death makes you realize you cannot take any day for granted. I hope talking with your husband helps. Wishing you a better night sleep!
ReplyDeleteI've never written that kind of letter, but instead dozens of letters throughout mine and Cody's relationship. I've given these letters to him at random times, some on special occasions but most on regular days. He keeps them in a book. It's getting really thick now that we've been together for three years! I don't worry about him not knowing how much I love him when I die because I tell him all the time, and if he ever doubts it he can just go back and read the letters. It's the same for me. He has written me little notes that I go back and read all the time. I think you should write him letters if you want to. It is a great way to reinforce the things you tell him and the way you feel.
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