Forever.

Lately, I've been thinking about why I haven't been able to believe in the word "forever". It was brought to my attention when Nick and I were talking about getting married and why I can't wait until everything is "right." He has promised me that we will get married, but I can't make myself stop thinking I'm going to lose him. I've come up with reasons for why I feel this way. 1) My whole life I have been promised by my parents that things were going to happen..and they never did. They pretty much promised me the world, and I got nothing close. My childhood was filled with promises of a bigger house, birthday party ideas, "a better Christmas next year", and other promises, while they just threw money away on worthless trips out of town everyday..just to pick up shampoo, a new shirt, and other things that could be town found in town.. I know my parents gave me as much as they could..and I understand that. I just don't understand why I believed in the things I knew would never happen. 2) For 9 months, I imagined a wonderful life with my new little family..Kylie, Nick, and myself..However, After God took Kylie, That idea was shattered.. I dreamed of forever with them..and I only got 8 days.

I know that everything happens for a reason and when its meant to happen.. But I guess the reason I'm so anxious to get married is to show myself that I can believe that there is a forever.. I know in my heart that Nick and I will be together forever..He's never given me a reason not to trust him..But my mind reminds me of all the times I've been let down in the past.