Lately, I've had quite a few chances to offer my babysitting skills to some friends...but I can't do it.. I feel like if i were to offer, and they didn't accept my offer, I'd feel like it was because they didn't trust my "mother skills." I have a few friends with babies here in Lubbock and I feel like I could really help them out since I don't do anything after 12 anyways..But I just feel like people think because something so tragic happened to Kylie..That they have this fear that I would let something like that happen to their child.. However, I know that if I were in their shoes I would probably feel the same way..to a certain extent... I just feel like i love children soo much and I have to get comfortable again..
On another note, I've thought a lot..and I mean a lot...about future children..and I can't get over the fact that I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy..and a perfectly healthy baby..I fear that something will go wrong, even if I do everything "perfect."... I know that this will just take time to overcome..
All I know is I'm pretty sure I miss Kylie a million times more everyday..and Everyday I thank God that he blessed me with an amazing daughter for 9 months and 12 days.
Lily's 9th Birthday Celebration!
7 years ago
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ReplyDeleteI can't speak for all your mommy friends, but I would trust you with Evan. What happened to Kylie was an accident and we all know that. Anyone who looks at you differently for that needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask themselves if they've ever done something with their baby that was not 100% safe. Nothing is. Accidents can happen to anyone and I really hope no one judges you or distrusts you, because I sure don't.
ReplyDeleteI hope you won't be consumed by the fear of something going wrong in a future pregnancy. Easier said than done. I know that, because I battled the fear when I got pregnant with Evan. I tried not to get attached because I felt like it might make it easier if I had another miscarriage. I know it probably wouldn't have made it easier, but I tried to convince myself it might. I imagine your fear is so much worse than mine ever was, but don't let it discourage you from wanting to get pregnant again when you feel the time is right. You are an amazing mother. Look at all you did and still do for Kylie. She's a lucky girl to have you for a Mommy.
Thanks Bree.. You always make me feel way better and see things from a different view.. And if you ever need me to watch Evan I would love to :) He's so fun.
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