No Words of Wisdom Can Make Me Feel Better..

I never in my life thought that when I was 20 years old I would get pregnant..especially by a guy I had only been dating for 3 months..Although..I knew that he was my soul mate.. He's completely different than any other guy I know..I was so excited to have Kylie.. I've wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember..and Nick was the only 18 year old boy I knew who would be happy that he was going to be a daddy..I remeber the night we brought Kylie home.. We had to stop at Walmart to get my perscription..but we didnt want to take Kylie in because it was too cold and I felt horrible..So Nick went inside and me and Kye stayed in the car..and I remember how everyone was looking into our car because there were two huge ballons back there with us...and Everyone was trying to take a peek at Kylie.. and I remember telling her not to cry because I wouldn't be sure what to do if she did..and she didnt..she just slept like a beautiful little Angel...and I remember the morning before Kylie left us we made daddy Oreo Cheesecake..and I sat her bouncer in the middle of the floor in the Kitchen and when i used the blender to mix it up..I'll never forget that face...she looked at me like what the heck is that... That was one of our best mornings..she had just started wanting to be up during the day...instead of just sleeping constantly..and that morning she woke me up at 7..and would not go back to sleep...she just wanted to eat..Just like daddy. :)... that was also the first day she was ever in her room..I remember sitting in our Glider and her just staring at her paintings that Aunt Brittany painted for her... and I remember how Nicole came over to meet her..and then she decided to sleep..of course when someone else would be holding her...After Nicole left I sat her in her bouncer so she could sleep and I could clean..I dont think I'll ever regret anything more than that..I wish I had held her all day long.. and told her how much I loved her..I never got to tell her that before she left this world... I never thought at the age of 20 I'd have to plan my daughters funeral either..I wish that it could have been me instead of her..I would've given anything to take her spot..I can't tell you how many times I prayed to God and asked Him to please let me take her place. I know that he has a reason for taking Her..but it doesn't make it any easier... Like the song Homesick says.."Even if you showed me..The hurt would be the same."