Sunshine..Please come out..

I keep thinking things will get better.. that my life will someday soon have something good going on again.. That I won't spend most of my day being sad, crying, and wondering when things will get easier.. I know that there's no way of knowing when this will get easier or when the sun in my life will shine again.. or if I'll ever completely feel better.. I talked in a previous post about losing my friend Xuxa.. And I found out more about her horrific death.. Her alcohol level was 3 times the limit.. She was seen driving around 100mph... When the paramedics got to her they found that her body was in pieces.. She didn't have any skin on her face.. She was so beautiful..She had such a long life ahead of her.. She would have graduated next year..She was only 16.. It's not fair.. There's a reason I don't drink and drive.. I wish that Xuxa had thought about it more before getting in the driver seat.. I wish that I had been there to drive her home.. I wish that she had accepted the offer to be driven home or spend the night with someone.. I know that my wishing doesn't do any good.. that driving myself crazy with the "What ifs" like I did with Kylie's death will cause me more stress and more sadness then I can deal with..

I also have been thinking lately about how hard this weekend is going to be for me.. My brother graduates on friday.. This was going to be the first time I was going to bring Kylie to Aspermont.. to watch her Uncle graduate.. I know that it's going to be very hard on me.. and that I have to stay strong and just continue to tell myself that she's in a better place..

I know God has a plan for my life.. and that He does everything for a reason.. I just wish that I could see the sunshine again..